What if our parents and ancestors talk about feelings?

Imagine how different we would be in life if our parents and ancestors talk openly about feelings. Without shortchanging them or judging how things used to be, it is interesting to investigate what influence this has had and still has on us.

A new time with space for feelings

We leven in een tijd waarin er ruimte is om te zijn wie je bent, om je gevoelens te doorvoelen en te ontdekken wat je bezig houdt. Therapie, coaching en zelfontwikkeling zijn toegankelijker dan ooit. Tegelijkertijd hoeft niet alles tot in detail geanalyseerd te worden om je ‘beste zelf’ te zijn – want die ben je in essentie al.

How it used to be – and why that's okay

During a recent event, the Lustrum of Emovere, I thought about how valuable it would be if children learn from an early age that all their feelings are allowed to be there. Not only the happy and positive ones, but also the difficult and painful ones. "The good, the bad & the ugly." What would my life have been like if I hadn't grown up with statements like "no one has ever died from work" or "just act normal, then you're already crazy enough"? Maybe I wouldn't have chosen the profession I have now. My own process of feeling and looking at things has shaped me and led me to where I am now.

The impact of repressed emotions

Yet this focus on feelings and emotions evokes resistance from some, especially older generations. "Why does everything have to be discussed? Can't you just be?" Those questions are understandable. Not everyone has the same need for reflection and processing. In the zeitgeist of the time, it was simply not customary to dive deep into feelings. Life went on, and that was the norm.

But feelings and emotions don't disappear if you ignore them. Suppressed emotions can get stuck, only to surface unexpectedly years later. Often at times when you don't see it coming. A comment, a situation, or even a smell can bring old pain to the surface. And then you might wonder, "What's wrong with me?" While it is simply an old feeling that is finally looking for space.

Talking about feelings – do we always have to go into the past?

Does this mean that we always have to dig through talking about feelings in the past to move forward? Not necessarily. Sometimes it is enough to create space for yourself, to reflect on what wants to be felt. But for me personally, processing and 'peeling the onion' has been essential. It gave me insight, peace and a deeper understanding of myself.

Awareness grows with the generation

So what if our parents and ancestors had felt and discussed their feelings? Wouldn't that have been healing, not only for themselves, but also for the generations to come? Of course, that doesn't suit everyone and the time was different back then. But sometimes it seems that older generations react defensively, as if they have to defend themselves. "What did we do wrong?" While it is not a matter of guilt, but of consciousness and development.

Each generation has its own lessons. Whereas the reconstruction after the Second World War was all about progress and hard work, there is now a growing awareness that there is more than just performance. We can learn to listen to ourselves and to each other. Not to dig into the past, but to live more consciously and freely in the here and now.

From shame to conversation – and connection

Wat als we écht in gesprek zouden gaan? Niet alleen met elkaar, maar ook met het verleden en de toekomst. Misschien kunnen we dan, op onze eigen manier, de wereld een beetje mooier maken. En misschien, heel misschien, is dat geen utopie, maar een stap naar meer harmonie – met onszelf en met elkaar.

Warm regards,

Caroline