Listening to yourself

Can you Listen to yourself., even if you find it difficult and you don't know what's coming. But what if you really listen to yourself... What do you need? And if you know, do you do something with it? I have often asked myself that question. What do I need? Who am I? And do I actually feel at home in myself?

For years I ignored myself, both privately and professionally. I didn't take the time to listen to what I felt or needed. I went on and on – or at least, that's how it felt. I kept a tight grip on control, developed tricks to keep running, to survive.

My mask "I can do it all" is

I wanted to show the outside world that I could do anything: work, be a single mother, daughter, girlfriend, partner... Everyone was more important than me. I did slow down – I thought. But my head, my ego, was running at full speed. There were 'to do' lists everywhere that I supposedly needed to continue. Meanwhile, anger, frustration and the feeling of being 'not good enough' piled up. Until it was no longer possible.

One day I was held up to a mirror. I had to work on myself. Old memories came to the surface. As a child I often heard: "How sensitive you are" and "Gosh, you always react emotionally." It became such a deep faith that later in life I apologized in advance if I became emotional while speaking, or if I ran out of words in a discussion and tears came. Only now do I realize that this was actually self-rejection – and that it was undermining my self-confidence more and more.

Nobody has 'done' this to me. It was a feeling I had made my own, because I couldn't ground myself firmly. Because I didn't really see myself in who I am and what I bring.

Peeling off my onion

Layer after layer I peeled off, like an onion. This is how listening to myself became a beautiful journey. Every day I learn more about who I am, what moves me, and I dare to say if I don't like something – even if it is sometimes exciting. The balance between our inner critic and the wise, loving part within us is a continuous process. But it is also a wonderful development. Listening to yourself is perhaps the best gift you can give yourself.

I invite you to slow down. Because as I see it now, that is not a luxury but a choice. A choice to land in your body.