Old Patterns

Old patterns, sometimes I am (again) in a transition period. That's what I call them. A phase in which all kinds of things come my way that resonate but at the same time shake me up. It reflects. It confronts and it shows me... Old patterns clash with who I am now. Yin and yang. Introvert and extrovert. Light and dark – Everything requires balance — not as something I have to zoeken, but as something that may arise, from me

In such a period I look for the balance. Or no, search may not be the right word. I try to let the balance arise organically, from who I really am.

Misunderstood and adaptive behavior

In the past (as I also shared in my blog "Friday the 13th — Why It's a Lucky Day") I often felt different. Sometimes misunderstood. And I learned that it was safer not to always show the back of my tongue. That meant that I adapted, participated in survival, hoping to be liked. My feelings went underground, as did parts of myself.

And I still notice how that old pattern sometimes plays up. Because it feels safe. Acting crazy, playing the clown, shouting myself down – it was once a way to make room for myself. But it actually took me further away from home.

Old patterns. They often recur in cycles. Thoughts, feelings or behaviors that unconsciously keep hindering you from living life the way you actually want to.

Saying yes when you mean no

They can express themselves in all kinds of ways. In relationships, for example, by repeatedly falling for people who don't really suit you. At work, in the form of procrastination, feeling overwhelmed, or too often"yes" to things you don't really want. Or in your inner world, as constant self-criticism, insecurity or the idea that you are falling short.

Old patterns are survival strategies. They often arise at a young age. Maybe out of criticism, maybe because there was no room for who you really were. They helped you then. But now they can start to pinch. What was once protection can now hinder.

De maatschappij en oude patronen

Society often goes a step further. We live in a world where everything goes fast, where you always have to be available, where performance is rewarded. All those external stimuli make it extra difficult to recognize old patterns, let alone let them go.

Yet I don't see them as 'wrong'. They show where I come from. And they show me – if I dare to look – the way forward.

I am sensitive. Socially, but also on my own. I quickly see what's going on. I would like to be there for others, but more and more as I am. Without too much adjustment. Without too little of myself. zoals ik ben. Without too much adjustment. Without too little of myself.

Am I really allowed to be there, just like that? Not in spite of my shadow sides, but with them? Yes. Because growth starts where the old no longer fits.

Warm regards,

Caroline